her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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