genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
