Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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