i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
