Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
