It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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