Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
