If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
