I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
