I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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