GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
