i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
