One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
