I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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