The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize