Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
