She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
