Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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