dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
