This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
