every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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