I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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