Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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