I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
