That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
