i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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