Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Fuck appropriateness.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
