I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
