I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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