I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
