worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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