So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize