eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
