just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
