remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
