In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
