Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
