Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
