Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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