I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
