I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize