soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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