Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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