Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
