I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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