Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
