Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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