I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
