I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
