I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
