I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
