I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
