Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
