im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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