I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
