I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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