I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
