My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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