There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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