Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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