he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
