imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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