As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
