So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
