i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think my vagina is haunted
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
