Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i love accidental penises.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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