remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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