My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
