i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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