i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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