question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
