matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
