So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize