I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize