you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
