I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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