I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
