Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
