your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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