I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
NoShamevember. You game?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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