Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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