Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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