Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
