Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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