So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
