My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
