i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
