The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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