So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize