as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
