"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
