he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
