just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
