I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
