Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
