You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize