I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
