I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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