I wanna bring you to show and tell
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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