these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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