Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
