hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You pole danced in your parka.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
